Bear's New Lesson
by slashblack89
Summary: Bear is teaching the gang a new lesson about "playing with themselves". read this humorious Story to find out the lesson. Warning: this story is sex themed. it is a joke story and should not be taken seriously. if you are onf of those people with no sense of humor and take everything anal and is offended easily or by sex please do not read. other then that please enjoy :)


For the record: I do not own Bear in the big Blue house. Jim Henson and Disney does I guess. This is just a humorous fan fiction story I made up. There is no sex in it but it is sexually themed. If sex offends you or you don't like it then do not read any further. This is just a story. It's nothing serious so please don't take it seriously. If you are one of those lame ass, no sense of humor, no imagination having ass kind of people please don't read any further. I do not mean to offend anybody. It's just humor. Please enjoy

**Bear's new lesson**

One nice and bright morning Bear opened his door to greet you.

Bear: hi everybody. I'm so happy to see you. Come on in.

Bear lets you come in

Bear: today's lesson is masturbation. Masturbation is common among people. All ugly people have to masturbate cause they can't get laid cause their so fucking ugly so I'm going to sing a song for you to remember.

Bear begins to sing

Bear: (singing) Masturbation is normal…. Masturbation is sweet, just finger yourself unless you got a sausage with balls to beat. Put some lotion on your hands and the fun never ends, it will make you want to do it again and again. Some do it every once in a while some do it all day, beating their dicks and fingering and having their way. Beating your dick or fingering yourself is what people do, if somebody tries to tease or poke fun then scream FUCK YOUUUUUUUUU.

Bear stops singing. Pip and Pop comes up to him.

Pip & Pop: hi bear?

Bear: hi pip and pop. Did you come to learn about masturbation?

Pip & Pop: what's masturbation? Is it a karate teacher?

Bear: no. masturbation is a natural habit of life. It when one plays with their sex organ for self pleasure. It feels good, it fun and it helps me go to sleep at night.

Pip: how do you masturbate?

Bear: it's quite easy Pip. All you do is wrap your hand around your penis and move your hand down in an up-down motion.

Pip and Pop tries it. They begin to masturbate.

Pip & Pop: we love masturbating.

The otters look at bear

Pop: why do people masturbate bear?

Bear: a mighty fine question Pop, some people are too ugly to get partners to fuck their ugly asses, some people have a sexual desire from seeing something sexy like seeing a fine lady with a fat supple ass or watching 2 girls kiss each other. Some people just don't have lives and sit in bed masturbating.

Pip: is masturbating bad?

Tuter mouse comes out from his mouse hole in the kitchen.

Tuter: what on earth are you talking to the otters about bear?

Bear: oh hi Tuter. We were just talking about masturbation.

Tuter: masturbation is a fucking sin and you will all go to hell.

Bear: fuck you Tuter you hating ass bitch. Go suck some dick and leave the fun privilege of masturbating to us real men.

Tuter: fuck you bear. You ain't no man. You're a bear.

Bear reached for a broom. He swung at Tuter. Tuter jumped. Bear missed and hit a vase that stood on a table. The vase fell and broke. Bear chased Tuter back into his mouse hole. Bear was out of breath.

Bear: (yelling and wide eyed somebody put some fucking mouse traps down over here right now. I don't want that cocksucker coming out of this hole again.

Pip: ok bear we're on it.

Pip and Pop laid a few mouse traps down. Bear walked over to the broken vase

Bear: son of a bitch, Im gonna kill that punk ass motherfucker. He made me break my grandmother's vase. It was the only thing that old sorry bitch left me before she died.

Bear sat down. He was relaxing. Ojo came downstairs.

Ojo: what's going on bear?

Bear: that Basturd Tuter came out and tried to ruin my lesson of masturbation.

Ojo: masturbation? I know what that is. We're learning about it at school.

Pip and Pop begin to Masturbate

Pip: Masturbation is fucking awesome

Pop: yeah it is.

Ojo: you guys are masturbating?

Bear: sure they are. I'll do it too

Bear begins to masturbate. Ojo watched. Her little Vagina began to get wet. She rubbed herself

Bear: that's right little bitch. Rub that monkey.

Ojo: this is so wrong but it feels so so soooo good.

Bear: you damn right. You rub that pussy.

Ojo rubbed faster and faster. She closed her eyes and moaned.

Ojo: oh my gosh oooooohhhhhhh

Ojo came all over Bear's floor.

Pip: did she just piss?

Bear: no. Ojo had an orgasm.

Pip & Pop: what's an orgasm?

Bear: it's when you reached your peak during masturbation and have to release fluid. Clean that shit off my floor please Ojo

Ojo: ok Bear.

Ojo went to get some towels.

Bear lit a cigarette and smoked

Pop: bear didn't your doctor tell you not to smoke?

Bear: fuck my doctor. Where's that bitch shadow at? Tell that bitch to come out here and sing us a song.

Shadow appears.

Bear: yay. You got a song for us or not?

Shadow: what? That's not the way you ask for a song.

Bear: SING THE FUCKING SONG OR GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE.

Shadow: what's gotten into you Bear? You're mean.

Bear: I'm sorry. That basturd Tuter got my piss boiling. He made me break my dead Grandma's expensive vase.

Shadow: Tuter is a jerk.

Tuter is out again. Somehow he dodged the mouse trap and now he is out.

Tuter: fuck both of you guys. You guys are bitches.

Bear got mad. He put his cigarette in his mouth and jumped up.

Bear: fuck the song I'm killing that rat.

Shadow: Bear no! Don't do it.

Ignoring Shadow, Bear angrily chased Tuter into the kitchen. Tuter ran back into his mouse hole. Bear went to his garage and grabbed a pickaxe. With it He began to tear the wall out trying to get to Tuter. Tuter hid in the wall. Bear knocked a hole in the wall and angrily looked in on Tuter

Bear: you're dead motherfucker.

Tuter: you'll never catch me bear. You'll just get tired and stop like the punk you are.

Bear: we'll see. I promise I'm going to kill you you fucking cock sucker

Bear angrily continued to rip the wall out. He had made a huge hole in the wall and tried to reach in and grab Tuter. Tuter was scared. He shook with fear. Bear was getting closer. Bear grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed at Tuter through the hole in the wall. He managed to stab Tuter.

Tuter: ahhhhhhhhh.

Bear stabbed Tuter to death. He tossed the bloody knife in the sink and staggered tiredly up stairs. He went to the attic and talked to moon. You follow him up there just as Moon came down

Moon: hi bear. How was your day?

Bear: my day was fucking awesome. I taught Pip, Pop, and Ojo how to masturbate. We had a good time.

Moon: that's good. Masturbation is a natural part of life. Everyone does it and who ever says they don't is full of bullshit.

Bear: exactly. I also killed Tuter today. That little piece of shit had to die. He made me break an expensive vase today.

Moon: I'm sorry to hear about that? I bet you're sad Bear?

Bear: nope. I was going to ask you to sing one last song with me.

Moon: I'd love to bear I'd love to.

Bear and moon begins to sing to you.

Bear: this day was really fun.

Moon: we hope it didn't suck.

Bear: if you think otherwise.

Bear & moon: we really don't a fuuuuuuuuck.

Bear: good bye good bye mutha-fuck-ers good bye. We hope you had a good time.

Moon: we saw your sister just the other day and gotdamn we admit she's fine

Bear: yes that bitch is fiiiiiiiiine!

Moon: good bye goodbye we must say good bye because I have to take a shit.

Bear: I hope you have toi-let paper moon cause if you don't you're out of luck bitch

Moon flew into the sky. Bear looks at you

Bear: I hope you all enjoyed your day at the big blue house today. And remember its ok to masturbate. Just remember to lock the door because it sucks ass when people bust in on you….. Goodnight

Bear goes back into his house

**The End **

Once again: I do not mean to offend anybody. This was just a joke fan fiction for humor. It may have that first person thing going on but I assure you that this is not referred to anybody and should not be taken seriously.** It is meant for laughs and laughs only. **


End file.
